Stuck in a Rut with Fear
Have you ever made a decision to do something and yet get sorta-kinda stuck?
You know what needs to be done but you don’t move forward? You find all kinds of excuses why you can’t tackle the project or task? That’s how I was with starting this blog.
I have had the idea for a blog for a very long time. I would start by building out the site on my own, write a few stories and then stop. It would sit on the back burner and just sit on my to-do list. I procrastinated like no one’s business. Not to mention, the procrastination caused anxiety like no one’s business, too.
I think I had a breaking moment when I decided to get some help to build my website. I can’t remember what it was exactly that pushed me over the edge but I know one of my favorite excuses was that I didn’t have enough time. I needed help and invested in having someone else build the site for me.
And then I stalled.
The site needed to be filled. I had several areas I could write about -- life, health, wealth, etc. -- but my thoughts never made it to the page. I would get all these story ideas and never get them written. By the time I got around to writing, I would forget why I wanted to write about something in the first place.
As I write this, I am just coming off a weekend where snow and cold temperatures had me homebound. It was a perfect time to tackle this project and yet I didn’t. What is holding me back? It’s fear. Fear of failure. Fear of what others will say. I’m a people pleaser and it has held me back for years. When I think back it makes me sad.
I think fear is a powerful curse. It moves in and takes hold like no other. It’s hard to get rid of the bugger, too. But, I realize that I don’t have as many tomorrows as I used to and I need to get my butt in gear. I’m tired of having ideas that don’t come to fruition.
One thing I have learned working in the corporate world is that I am not generally afraid of risk or change. I love creating and building new things. But that risk has not really put me front-and-center like this blog has. It feels different. I always had a team around me to provide insight and support and a leader that made sure I had taken the right steps in making decisions. When I think about it, I didn’t do anything alone in my career. I had a team, a tribe. The blog? I am alone; I am front and center all by myself.
In a way that feels good and in other ways scary. I believe that’s what taking a risk feels like. It’s exciting! This blog isn’t a huge financial risk but it is a challenge to put myself out there and take that first step.
Bottom line: Taking a risk is exciting and scary. So does moving into A Fresh Season of my life – on my own! I have to learn to embrace the scary and take a leap. I would rather fail at this than regret not doing it all all. Do I know what I’m doing? Not really. Do I need to? Not really. Do I really care what others think? Not really. I do know that I am resilient. I can bounce back, adjust and keep going. That’s my word of the week: